Feel the need to blog, close to the end of 2019. It's been a while.
Sometimes I feel like I put my life on hold. Right now I have this
intense feeling of a really intense connection with myself, and a
broader sense of myself, who I am and what I want.
I've always been a sort of odd explorer, trying to not stay in the same place for too long, be it a house, appartment, or relationship, but also taking my time to leave, even though the expiration date has been long due.
Seem like the words are kind of hard to find, trying to flow with some sort of spontinaeity but also coherence.
In a nutshell it has been quite a year, don't know how it stands at the end of the year between self growth and self dissapointment and struggles. Well, the struggles will always be there. What changes is how we perceive them and what we do with them.
So today after the longest time I decided to look up an ex and an ex crush on Google. People I haven't seen in over 10, even 12 years. And then there are a couple more, but I still sort of stay in touch on some social media or other virtual way. It seems that what people have done with their lives seems to dictate how they want to be perceived by the world in general. I look at my own life and think about all the things I've done, all the things I want to do, and all the things that I've been too afraid to do.
But I am happy that my life is not dictated by what I have done or what professional goals I've adquired, I am happy I am full of a wide range of experiences with a myriad of people who've come and gone, some who have really known me, some who only dared to touch the surface.
I feel as though I have this incredible urge to really focus on what I want and need for next year.
Also, how I make my choices from now on, like I am more aware of all the resources I have. Of all the things that surround me. All I need to do is organize, make a plan of action, which has never come easy for me, since I've sort of mostly just acted on impulse or a sort of hunch, or ideas come nearly when the time for planning is kind of short. How do we find tha balance? Where is it? How do we develod this idea of ourselves through the people whom we've dated or had crushes on during the course of our mostly adult life? Well, I feel like I am very different from who I was when I first started thinking about how I wanted to live my life and the people I wanted to share it with.
I guess I don't have many answers right now for what's to come. Maybe just having these thoughts to help me get through what's left of this gloriously challenging year for me.
I've always been a sort of odd explorer, trying to not stay in the same place for too long, be it a house, appartment, or relationship, but also taking my time to leave, even though the expiration date has been long due.
Seem like the words are kind of hard to find, trying to flow with some sort of spontinaeity but also coherence.
In a nutshell it has been quite a year, don't know how it stands at the end of the year between self growth and self dissapointment and struggles. Well, the struggles will always be there. What changes is how we perceive them and what we do with them.
So today after the longest time I decided to look up an ex and an ex crush on Google. People I haven't seen in over 10, even 12 years. And then there are a couple more, but I still sort of stay in touch on some social media or other virtual way. It seems that what people have done with their lives seems to dictate how they want to be perceived by the world in general. I look at my own life and think about all the things I've done, all the things I want to do, and all the things that I've been too afraid to do.
But I am happy that my life is not dictated by what I have done or what professional goals I've adquired, I am happy I am full of a wide range of experiences with a myriad of people who've come and gone, some who have really known me, some who only dared to touch the surface.
I feel as though I have this incredible urge to really focus on what I want and need for next year.
Also, how I make my choices from now on, like I am more aware of all the resources I have. Of all the things that surround me. All I need to do is organize, make a plan of action, which has never come easy for me, since I've sort of mostly just acted on impulse or a sort of hunch, or ideas come nearly when the time for planning is kind of short. How do we find tha balance? Where is it? How do we develod this idea of ourselves through the people whom we've dated or had crushes on during the course of our mostly adult life? Well, I feel like I am very different from who I was when I first started thinking about how I wanted to live my life and the people I wanted to share it with.
I guess I don't have many answers right now for what's to come. Maybe just having these thoughts to help me get through what's left of this gloriously challenging year for me.
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